Loud House of Horror
by ch723
Summary: Mix of treehouse of horror and Loud house. Not a ripoff of the other dude's fanfic with the same name. I needed to fix the fanfic's errors.
1. Loud House of Horror I

The Louding

Lincoln comes back home after his sisters make on their own and then he accidentally talked about Lynn's problem with Lisa's spitting and Lana's problem with Lola's snoring. After the sisters fight once again, Lincoln takes cover in his parents' room to avoid the brawl.

Lincoln: This fight is even more ridiculous!

Lynn Sr.: Don't worry, son! It's only a matter of time!

[The fighting stops]

[Lincoln cautiously peeks out of his parents' door]

LINCOLN: You guys stopped already?

LYNN: You bet! Thanks for not butting in!

LORI: We literally appreciate it.

LINCOLN: Thanks? Thanks?! Are you kidding me?!

LORI: Easy, Lincoln.

LINCOLN: You had no idea what I went through the other day! All I did was trying to help! I was concerned about your conflict! But instead, you solved it on your own by making me leave?! Some sister fight protocol! And nobody didn't tell me about it!

LYNN: Lincoln, we...

LINCOLN: I'm not done! What I said about who did what was just a minor setback! And besides, you guys fight each other all the time! Even when I get caught up in the fight!

LUAN: [to her sisters] He's got a point.

LINCOLN: I always cared about you and helped you out and that's the thanks I get?! And also, you gave me a hard time too! Ever since the dress incident, you wouldn't let me eat, watch TV and go to the bathroom! Not to mention, you borrowed my room and bed sheets without my permission! And it didn't seem fair for me! I didn't leave because of your fight! I left because I was under stress! Well, if that's how you wanna do it from now on, then maybe I don't want to spend time with you anymore!

LUNA: But, bro...

LINCOLN: Don't "Bro" me! I had it! My decision is final! There's only one way to solve this! [He kills this parents and point a gun at his sisters but they run before Lincoln shoot them.]

In Lincoln's room...

Lori: Hmm. What he's typed will be a window into his madness. (Reads from the typewriter) "Feelin' fine." Well, that's a relief.

[A flash of lightning reveals "No fun and no happy make Linky go crazy" written all over the walls]

LINCOLN'S SISTERS: (Terrified) Oooooooooh! (looks around)

LORI: This is less encouraging...

LINCOLN: (enters the room) Hello!

LINCOLN'S SISTERS: (screams)

LINCOLN: What do you think, girls? All I need is a title. I was thinking along the lines of "No fun and no happy make Linky... something something..."

LENI: (worried) Go crazy?

LINCOLN: Don't mind if I do! (Goes on a mad rant)

(Lola breaks open a case labelled "Break glass in case of spousal insanity" and grabs the baseball bat within)

LOLA: Stay away from us, Lincoln!

LINCOLN: (chasing his sisters up some stairs) Give me the bat, Lola. Gimme the bat. Come on. Gimme the bat. Gimme the bat! (makes scary face and laughs) Scaredy cats! Bleaahhh... (Makes another scary face, then sees himself in a mirror, shrieks and falls down the stairs, knocking himself out)

[Lincoln's sisters leaves unconscious Lincoln locked in a pantry]

LORI: You stay here until you're no longer insane. Hmm, chili would be good tonight.

[Some time later]

LINCOLN: (Lincoln chops into a room) Heeeere's Johnny!incoln

(camera pulls back to reveal empty room)

LINCOLN: D'oh!

(chops into another room)

LINCOLN: Daaaaavid Letterman!

ALBERT: Hi David, I'm Albert.

LINCOLN: D'oh!

(chops down another door)

LINCOLN: (holding a ticking stopwatch) I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer, and I'm Ed Bradley! All this and Andy Rooney tonight on "60 Minutes"!

LOUD SISTERS`: (run off screaming)

LORI: Wait, I got my phone! Let's call help!

[Later...]

CHANDLER: All right, loony: show me what you got!

(Lincoln drives an axe into his back)

CHANDLER: Aw, is that the best you can do? (collapses)

Lori: Oh my! I hope that rug was "Scotchguarded"

[Lincoln's sisters run outside and run away in the snow as Lisa trips as she spots a hand-held TV.]

Lisa: Brother, look! (holds it up)

Lincoln: Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover. Urge to kill... fading... fading... fading... rising! Fading, fading... gone. (family sighs in relief) Come, family. Sit in the snow with Linky and let us all bask in television's warm glowing warming glow.(Later, they're all encased in ice)

TV Announcer: Live, from Broadway, it's the Tony Awards, with your hosts Tyne Daly and Hal Linden!

Lynn: Lincoln.. change the channel!

Lincoln: Can't! Frozen! ("One" from "A Chorus Line" plays) Urge to kill...rising...

* * *

The Exorbrother

A demon statue is dug out of the underground. It says Chris Savino but a sticker that says "Pazuzu" covers it. It is put in a box as the hand writes "A gift for Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, Lana, Lisa and Lily" on the box. It arrives at the Loud House.

Rita: Lincoln's first Pazuzu! (To Lincoln) Your sisters bought this because... (to Lincoln's sisters) Why did you buy this?

Lori: We thought it was pizza.

Rita: I'll send it back tomorrow.

Suddenly, the girl's friends arrive

Carol: Are you done here?

The Girls: Uhh... Yeah.

When the family and friends leave Lincoln's room, Pazuzu's eyes turn red as Lincoln looks directly at the eyes

At the party...

Lori: Yeah, this is literally the best party ever! [She sees Lincoln] Hey Lincoln! Go back to your stupid, twerpy room, Go, go!

Lincoln (possessed by Pazuzu): No one leaves alive!

Lori (As Lincoln floats downstairs): Hey, he's doing impressions.

Luna: He should be invited. Did anyone get that?

Chandler: My phone got a glitch! It's showing him as a demon while everyone else is norma- (gets killed by an axe.)

Everyone gasps. One of them gasps longer as that bothers everyone. Pazuzu kills her.

Lori: Oh thank god!

In Lincoln's room.

Pazuzu is strapped up by Bud Grouse (Mr. Grouse) as the Loud sisters look worried.

Mr. Grouse: There, that will hold him.

Pazuzu makes Mr. Grouse fall. When he reached the ground, a toy police car comes.

Mr. Grouse (weakly): Oh good, the police is here. [The police car drives in his mouth, choking him.]

Rita: The exorcist should be here by now!

Leni: Whatever, Lincoln taught Lily what a circle is!

[Pazuzu makes Lincoln's head turn around 360 degrees.]

Leni: Ok, whoever he stops on has to buy Lincoln a new comic book, which he wants to have flaming, hot lava!

Lola: That's because you never want to do it.

Lincoln's head stops on Leni who gasps. The exorcist appears.

The Exorcist: I'll take that! I usually do babies but now a grown boy?

He takes out a "Farm Animals Sounds" nursery book.

Lincoln (possessed by Pazuzu): The chicken goes (LOUD DEMON SCREECH)

The screech burns the book.

The Exorcist: Alright, Release him!

The parents cut off the ropes as Lincoln floats.

The Exorcist: Devil be out! [The family looks at him, confused] Well, I say it 3 times. Devil be out!

Lincoln (possessed by Pazuzu): I am Pazuzu, demon of the southwest wind.

Lisa: Does that mean are not as powerful as the south wind or the west wind? How lame is that?

Lincoln (possessed by Pazuzu): I used to be very important! Google it!

The Exorcist: Devil be out!

Lincoln (possessed by Pazuzu who is leaving Lincoln's body): GOOOOOOGLE IIIIIIIIT!

Lincoln: Yay! I'm back!

The Exorcist: Hold on, Pazuzu is still among us.

Suddenly, Lynn's head turns 360 degrees.

Pazuzu: Let me out! Let me out! This girl has the darkest soul I've ever seen! It's worse than working for David Schwimmer!

Lynn: Yo, Pazuzu, grow me some horns.

[Pazuzu grows Lynn some horns]

Lori: Heh, heh. Those aren't horns, those are nubs.

[Lynn's horns grow larger and they impale Lori through the nose]

Lori: No, no! Well, at least they'll get me out of jury duty.

[Gilligan cut to Lori in jury duty, with a dismembered horn, still up her nose]

Lori: D'oh!

* * *

Night of the Living Louds

Newsman: Once again, a character is killed. On his neck, two teeth marks. This black cape was found in the scene. Police are battled.

Police: I think a was a supernatural being. Possibly a mummy

Lincoln: No, no they're wrong! The creature they seek is the walking undead! Nosferatu!

The family is confused.

Lincoln: A vampire!

Lynn Sr laughs

Lynn Sr.: Lincoln, vampires are make-believe. Just like those gremlins.

Newsman: Also, in an unrelated note, Sergio had just closed the deal to the blood bank.

Sergio: Oh, I'm very excited for the deal! [Licks the blood on his mouth] Mmm...Blood.

Lynn Sr: Good deal!

While driving to Pennsylvania

Lynn Sr: In was sure nice of Sergio the invite us to his midnight dinner in (scary) Pennsylvania!

Lincoln: There's something weird about this.

Rita: Lincoln, stop being so suspicious! Did anyone wash their neck like Sergio asked?

The Kids: Yes.

Lynn Sr. (holding a dirty rag): Sure did.

They arrive.

Lynn Sr rings the doorbell. They enter.

When they do, Sergio magically appears.

Sergio: Well, isn't it my good friends the-uh?

Sergio's sidekick: Louds, sir

Sergio: Louds, eh? Excellent! [He leaves, his shadow plays with a yo-yo before leaving]

Lincoln: Dad, did you notice anything strange?

Lynn Sr: Uh, the weirdo looks cute.

Sergio: I heard that!

Lynn Sr.: It was the girls!

At the dining room.

Lynn Sr.: Ohh! Punch

Lincoln sniffs the punch.

Lincoln: Eww! Dad, this is blood!

Lynn Sr.: No, this is free blood. [He drinks it]

Lincoln spill some blood on him.

Lincoln: Whoops! My sisters and I need to clean up!

Lynn: You didn't put any on us.

Lincoln wipes his blood on his sister as they run off.

Up stairs

Lana: Lincoln, Sergio isn't a vampire. Even if he was, he won't stumble into the secret room.

Luna leans on a fire holder. It is a secret room. It is a secret laundry room.

Lincoln: You're right, let's go back to (gasps) [There actually is a secret vampire room]

Lincoln: Satisfied?

Lisa: Big deal, it's no different than Pop Pop's restroom.

Lincoln: Look! [He stop a book that is called "Yes, I am a vampire" by Sergio] Oh my god!

The vampires come out of the coffins, shocking 9 of The Loud Sisters. In order to get Lincoln's attention, Lori does an impression of Shemp from The Three Stooges but it doesn't work.

Lincoln: Please Lori, I've seen your Shemp.

The vampire gets close to the Loud Kids so in order to get Lincoln's attention, Lori does an impression of Curly from again The Three Stooges but once again, it doesn't work.

Lincoln: Yeah, I've seen your Curly too.

Lincoln's sister scream as a vampire's hand slams the book causing Lincoln to scream with his sisters.

Chandler: Don't worry guys! I'm coming to rescue all of you! I'll be- (gets stabbed in the back by a vampire with an axe) Ahh! Auugh! I'm at this! (dies)

Lincoln was able to make it up the stairs but Leni saw a...

Leni: Super Fun Happy Slide! I know I shouldn't, but what are odds I going to be here again?

Leni pulls the lever causing the steps to turn to a slide.

Lori, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lola, Lana, Lisa and Lily scream as they slide down, while Leni and Lucy say Yay!

When they see the vampires, Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lola, Lana, Lisa and Lily scream as they slide down, while Lucy says Yay!

They then get attacked by the vampires. Sergio flies to Lincoln's sisters as a bat.

Sergio: Hello...girls!

Lincoln runs to the parents.

Lincoln: Guys! Sergio is a vampire, and he had the girls! (cries)

Sergio: Why your sisters are right here!

Lynn Sr: Oh, Lincoln! You and your crazy stories! "My sisters are vampires." "Soda for adults causes brain damage." Now let's go back to...the place where... our TV and bed...is.

In Lincoln's room

Lincoln wakes up in the of the night and opens the curtains revealing his sisters and they bit his friends

Luna: Come join us, bro, it's so cool! You get to stay up all night drinking blood!

Ronnie Anne: And if you say that you're a vampire, you get a free soda and popcorn to the movies!

Lincoln: No! I'll never join you!

Lisa: Brother, it's not like you had a choice here!

Lincoln's sisters break through Lincoln's window and get ready to bite him until Lynn Sr busts in.

Lynn Sr: Girls, what did I say about biting-Wait! You are vampires!

Albert: Quick! We have to kill the girls!

Rita: How did you know that they're vampires?

Albert: They're vampires?! Ahhhh!

The girls laugh as they turn into bats and fly out the window.

Rita: We have to stop this! Today they're vampires, tomorrow they might be smoking!

Lincoln: We have to kill the vampire that bit them! Sergio!

Lynn Sr: My boss!?

At Sergio's house

Lincoln, Rita, and Lynn are going downstairs of the vampire room.

Lynn Sr: Oh, Super Fun Happy Slide!

Lincoln: No, dad!

They reach the coffin where Sergio is sleeping in Lynn Sr nails the board.

Lincoln: Uh, dad... That's his private part.

Lynn Sr: Oh.

He renails the board on his heart. Sergio screams as he dies. He comes back from the dead.

Sergio: You're fired! (goes back to being dead.)

Lynn Sr: D'oh!

At the Loud house

The Louds are eating cereal.

Lincoln: I'm so glad everything is back to normal.

Albert flies by as a vampire.

Albert: I am a vampire and I'm going suck your... (falls)

Lincoln: Pop pop's a vampire?

Luna: We're all vampires.

Lincoln: But how? We killed Sergio!

Lynn Sr: You need to kill the head vampire!

Lincoln: And, that's you?

Rita: No, it's me! (evil laughter)

Lincoln: Mom!?

Rita: Well, I do have a life outside this house you know.

The family gets ready to bites Lincoln.

Loud Family (to you): Happy Halloween Everybody!

Loud Family (to the tune of the first two lyrics of Hark! The Herald Angels Sing): Lu Lu Lu Lu Lu Lu Lu Lu Lu Lu Lu Lu Lu Lu Lu. (While singing Clyde is playing a piano a là Schroeder while Charles dances on it a là Snoopy).


	2. Loud House of Horror II

The 3 faces of Lincoln  
Lori wakes up. Lynn punches her.

Lana: She's awake.

Lynn: Is there anything at punching can't do?

Lisa: It can't work a clock.

Lynn punches a clock which makes it work.

Lori: What's going on, where are we? (realizes that they are chained up)

The doorknob rattles. Lincoln (as Landon) busts through the door.

Lisa: Lincoln?

Landon: I'm not Lincoln, I'm Landon!

Lynn: Hi! But what's going on?

Landon: I'm the one who brought you here when I knocked you out.

Lynn: You hurt us?

Landon goes insane and snatches Leni's glasses.

Landon (as Leni): Who ya' calling crazy?

Leni: I'm not that LOUD!

Landon grunts.

Landon: I'm gonna belt ya! (they shrug) with a Broadway-style song. (They scream as Landon grabs a hat) 🎵You'll be trapped, trapped like rats. No-one knows where ya ats. You'll eat my shorts and then have a cow! I'm gonna kick you now!🎵 (kicks Lisa, Lana, Lola, Lucy, Lynn, Luan, Luna, and Leni in the face and kicks Lori in the nuts) Applaud or die! (They applaud) You die, girls.

Lori: What? Why?

Landon: Not one of you said "Encore". (slams the door.)

At the Loud House

Rita: Want more pancakes?

Landon (French accent): Pancakes are meaningless, Life is meaningless!

Lynn Sr.: Rita, Lincoln's being weird. And where's the rest of the girls?

Landon (Insane): Oh, yes, the Loud Girls. They told me that they got sick and went to the hospital

Lynn Sr: The great thing about the girls is that nothing bad ever happens to them.

In the dark room.

The girls are using Lisa to smash down the door.

Lori: Come on, Lisa, put your brain to it. The door isn't even scratched

Lynn: We were trying to break the door?

Later

Lynn: Ok, I got a plan! First, Lisa, gnaw through your ankle.

Lisa: Ok, but I'm allergic to myself. (licks her feet which makes her tongue swell up.)

Lynn: I swear, you say one more wimpy thing-

Lisa: Not my glasses! They were on "Woman's Health"!

Landon busts in, this time with a bagpipe.

Landon (different accent): Alright you little beasts, ya' ready for a trip to the Scottish die lands? Just let yourselves out. But beware of The beast! (slams the door.)

Lori: Isn't that cute? He learned an accent from his friends.

Lynn: Not that cute.

It reveals that Lincoln killed his friends.

They open the door to reveal a dungeon and statues of The Loud Sisters on fire

Lori: I literally wish I can burn the calories like that.

They climb up a ladder revealing a recycling plant where Lincoln (as The Beast) is.

The Beast: It's time to recycle you, stupid girls.

Lisa: Careful bro, is you keep talking like that, your voice will hurt.

He throws a broken glass at his younger siblings cause them to fall in used motor oil. He grabs them and makes them fall into the newspaper bundler.

Lisa: Wear our bones around your neck!

They get crushed. Leni, Luna, Luan and Lynn try to escape but Lincoln drops an open box full on used magnets near them.

Lynn: Ha-ha! You missed!

The magnets activate causing a lifter to kill them. Lincoln glares at Lori and gets a slingshot and puts her phone on the slingshot and aims it at Lori.

Lori: What happened to you?

The Beast: You know what you did!

Flashback to Lincoln's school at night. Lori sneaks into Lincoln's class and changes Lincoln's answers into roasts.

Flashback Mrs. Johnson: And Lincoln got an F-

Flashback Lincoln is confused. Back to reality.

The Beast: You ruined Lincoln's life and on that day THE BEAST WAS BORN!

He slingshots at Lori causing her to fall into a hole. The beast is about dump loads garbage on Lori

The Beast: One American causes this much garbage in one day.

Lori: Just kill me! Not teach me! I'm your sister!

The Beast turns back to Lincoln.

Lincoln: If you have a great speech to save yourself, now would be a great time. I'm rooting for ya! (changes back to the Beast

Lori: Linky, (Lisa, Lola, Lana, and Lucy fall in as newspapers.) please forgive me, I'm your sister! I'll always be there for you. When your girlfriend dumps you, I'll take you drinking and tell you what a jerk she was. When she takes you back, I'll tell you that he's great and to go to games with her! Am I reaching you?

The Beast turns to Lincoln, who stops trying to dump garbage onto her.

Lincoln: I'm back!

Lynn Sr: Oh my god! Why did you do it?

Lincoln: Sometimes when a boy gets pushed too far he just snaps! You know how that feels?

Lynn Sr: No!

Lincoln: Where's Mom?

Lynn Sr: Tied up in the trunk of the car.

Rita: Oh, how did this happen?

Lola: I've always wanted to be a papergirl. Want a comic? (Spits out one.)

A Clockwork Lincoln  
Lincoln wipes an eyelash on his face and smirks at you.

Lincoln (Voice Over): This is me.

We move outwards to reveal Lynn, Luna, Clyde, Liam and Zach.

Lincoln (Voice Over): And this is my alliance. Sports (Lynn), Musical (Luna), Glasses (Clyde), Farm Boy (Liam), and Freeway Kid (Zach). We are best friends with Sports and Musical being my siblings. Sometimes we'd have a bit of a bash while having a go with the wiseguys. And end the night with some drinks.

At Flip's Food and Store of Fuel.

Lincoln, Lynn, Luna, Clyde, Liam and Zach (playing with the automatic door): In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

Flip: Are you just going to start ordering or just play with the automatic door?

Lincoln: Meh... Door!

Lincoln, Lynn, Luna, Clyde, Liam and Zach: In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

Lincoln (Voice Over): But sometimes we need to fake so we can sneak out. It works...

Rita: All right, chap, Time to go to school.

Lincoln: Ma', I wish I could but I got a pain in me gulliver.

Rita: I don't care if ya' get a pain in ya' gulliver, you still have to go to school!

Lincoln (Voice Over): sometimes.

Luna: Well, guys, my girly mate wants me to stop the mischief.

Lincoln: Whaaaaat?

Sam: Musical is working at the Tower of London.

Lincoln (Voice Over): When Musical left, our alliance was no more. Sports and Glasses kicked me out imediately.

Lincoln gets thrown out the window and hits many buildings.

Lincoln (Voice Over): So I gave up the mischief and became a waiter.

Lincoln sighs as he gives the chef a couple's orders.

Days later.

Lincoln is strapped up with his eyes spalked open and forced to watch violent movies to make him disgusted by violence.

Lincoln: Turn it off, turn it off! I'll be good!

Rita takes off the straps and spalks as the doorbell rang.

Rita opens the door.

Chandler: There has been a terrible accident, miss, please unbolt your door!

Rita: No!

Chandler: Please unbolt it!

Rita: No!

Rita gets a wedgie by Hawk and Hank.

Hawk and Hank: Ha-ha!

They unbolt it causing Chandler, Sooyoung and Linsdey to enter and push Rita down.

Lincoln: Ma'?

Chandler, Sooyoung, Hawk, Hank and Linsdey breaks stuff and punches Lincoln and Rita. Linsdey grabs an ancient plate and threatens to smash it.

Lincoln: Plate! Not Ma's plate!

They smash the plate on Rita.

In Luna's room.

Lincoln: Those goons has never treated us nicely.

Luna: Oh, they're just bullies.

Lincoln: Please join back into the alliance!

Sam: No! Ya' shouldn't be out glugging, shin slicing or eye groaning! We got a little tot to take care of.

Lily, with an eyelash that's similar to Lincoln's, beats up her doll with a cane.

Luna: ENOUGH WITH THIS HOUSE LIFE! Time to be a he/she again!

Luna puts on an eyelash that's similar to Lincoln's.

At Flip's Food and Store of Fuel

Luna: After all those days, it's great to be back!

Suddenly, people appear to whack Lincoln.

Lincoln: Wait a minute, I recognize these people! It's Sports, Glasses, Farm Boy and Freeway Kid.

They laugh.

Lincoln: Ya' folks wanna join me for one last bit of noggin boggin?

Gives them hats.

Lincoln (Voice Over): Once again, the alliance is walking through the streets in slow motion

Luna is in the back.

Lincoln: Hey, keep up!

Luna runs to the alliance.

Lincoln (Voice Over): We wrote suggestions for our night and put them in a hat.

Lincoln grabs the hat and chose Home invasion.

The alliance goes over a fence to and ran to Lori's mansion. They bust through the door. Although there's one flaw. Many people were in there. They all stare at the alliance. The walk to Lori.

Luna: What kind of Woo-hoo is this?

Lori: Welcome to the most scariest party you've ever intended.

Leni: Lori, are you done with my birth mask.

Lori: No.

Lincoln: Come on, alliance, let's show these guys who's boss!

The alliance start to fight with everyone.

Lincoln (Voice Over): And so, all my brothers and sisters, I was bruised but I was happy.

The end

War and Pieces  
Lincoln: Ugh, what's the point of cleaning under the bed? It's like cleaning a dumpster! It's designed to be filthy.  
Rita: [Rummaging under the bed] Because this room smells like dog barf. [Pulls out a glass of milk] Ugh! What is this?  
Lincoln: Oh, that's a glass of milk.  
[Rita turns the glass upside-down and the milk, which seems to be completely solid, starts sliding out, extremely slowly]  
Lincoln: ...Cheese. That's a glass of cheese.  
[The milk falls through the floor and onto Leni, who is seen eating a sandwich. She shrieks in agony]  
Lincoln: ...Stone. That's a glass of stone.  
Rita: Are you kidding me? That milk had to be at least ten years old.  
Clyde: [Pulls out a moldy slice of pizza from under the bed] Well, at least there's nothing alive under there.  
[The pizza slice suddenly grows spider legs and squeals. Clyde screams and drops it, and then it crawls out the open window.  
[Rita pulls out Dodj Or Daar game from the bed  
Rita: Hey, Look what I found, the game you made.  
Clyde: Hang on, I'm not three anymore, you're not going to distract me with- what the what!?  
[The first of many huge noises tempting them to play the game suddenly sounds]  
Clyde: Dodj or Daar, it's calling us...  
Lincoln: [Pulls Clyde away, gets the game and puts it in the garbage bag] No! We swore we'd never play that game again.  
[The huge noise plays. Lincoln and Clyde are in the kitchen, eating their lunch]

Lincoln: Just ignore the calls. [Sips a cup of soda]  
[The huge noise plays again, twice. Clyde accidentally squirts too much ketchup; Lincoln's soda comes out of his nostrils and again, he tries to eat a sandwich, which he does, but in the process puts his hands through his ears, instead of eating the sandwich]  
Lincoln: We have to destroy that game.  
[Clyde and Lincoln run to the garbage can and open it]  
Lincoln: It's gone!  
[The huge noise plays again]  
[`Clyde and Lincoln run to the house and finds Lincoln's sisters, Rita and Lynn Sr playing it]  
Lincoln and Clyde: Wait!

[The others then turn around, all of them are confused; the boys leap toward them in slow motion]

Lincoln and Clyde: Don't throw the dice!

[Leni throws the dice, Lincoln and Clyde fall then fall to the ground]  
Lincoln: You don't know what you're doing!  
Lori: Yeah, cause you didn't write any instructions.  
Lisa: But what you did write was spelled wrong, Dodj or Daar? Sounds like an alien choosing a baby name.  
Lynn Sr: Let's just pack it away.  
Lincoln: No, you can't stop! Once you start Dodj or Daar, [Ominously] it has to be finished!

Lincoln: [off-screen] Ok, the rules are pretty simple. [On-screen, gesturing toward the game board] You roll the dice and pick a Daar card. If you do the Daar, then you go forward that many spaces. If you don't then you have to take a Dodj card and move half the spaces.  
Lynn: Okay, and how do you win?  
Lincoln: [Ominously] You don't win, you survive!  
Lynn: Okay... but how do you actually win?  
Lincoln: Oh, you have to roll an exact number to land on the last square. Leni, you're up.  
Leni: [Laughs] I feel sorry for whoever's gonna do this one!  
[Everybody looks at Leni. Leni realizes and frowns]  
[Cuts to place where the Sheriff is]  
Leni [Runs to the Sheriff] Officer please, I need to report a theft.  
Sheriff: Yes, finally! What did the thief look like?  
Leni: Well, she was wearing a monocle.  
[Sheriff writes it down when he sees Leni wearing a monocle]  
Sheriff: Okay... Uh, anything else?  
Leni: Yes, she had a big furry mustache!  
[Sheriff writes it down again when he sees Leni again this time wearing the big furry mustache]  
Sheriff Okay... any other distinguishing features?  
Leni: Yes, she was dressed as a yodeller! ... Aren't you gonna write that down?  
Sheriff: Just testing something.  
[Sheriff blinks for a second and sees Leni dressed as a yodeler just as Leni says]  
Sheriff: Ah! And what did that man steal?  
Leni: [Gets close to Sheriff] A kiss.

[The family are laughing while Leni rubs her injured eye with a piece of meat]

Lisa: You actually did it!? [Laughing]

Clyde: IT'S STARTING! We have to finish the game quickly before it gets a hold of us and destroys us all!

Lincoln: Dude, keep it together!  
Clyde: Get a grip on yourself, you're under-reacting!  
Lincoln: THANKS, MAN! I got bit calm for a second but now I realized how serious this is!  
[Clyde rolls the dice; picks a Daar card on the Daar desk]  
Clyde: AAH! DARE! "RUN PAST A DOG WEARING A SUIT OF PIZZA" That doesn't sound too bad.  
Lincoln: [Doubtfully] Really? Don't you remember when I got that one?  
[Flashback shows Lincoln running past a dog herd wearing pizza; he jumps over the fence. Then, Lincoln's sisters suddenly appear out of nowhere and bites Lincoln, and shake him]  
Lincoln: The worst part is it took four weeks to stitch that suit together and it was gone in under a minute.  
[Lincoln's sister laugh mysteriously; and makes a vampire face again; Clyde is horrified]  
Clyde: [screams] You're right, I'll take a Dodj! [picks up a Dodj card] "Your left arm must do like the player to your right's arm does and vice versa".  
Lisa: What does that mean?  
Leni: It means I can do this! [Points to Lisa, making Clyde poke Lincoln]  
Lincoln: Hey! [Leni pokes repeatedly while Lincoln says "hey!" altogether]  
[Lincoln grabs Clyde's arm and slaps him; Leni slaps herself, too]  
Lincoln: Dare, "take a dodge". Aww, man. [Picks up a card] "CSD".  
Lori: What's CSD?  
Lincoln: Compulsive Singing Disorder. It means that I could sing at ANYTIME. [Singing "anytime" loudly and cheerfully]  
Leni: "Eat one-hundred hot dogs in under a minute". That's not a dare! That's Tuesday.  
[Leni goes to the kitchen. Then Clyde appears to "eat" very quickly due to the effect of the last dodge, and stops, nearly breathless]  
Darwin: I think she stopped. [His left hand moves to his mouth] Aw dude, she's drinking the brine!  
Rita: Boys, I'm not using spray cheese instead of deodorant. Give me a dodge card. [Takes the card from Lincoln] From now on, you will doubt every thought you have. That's ridiculous. There's no way a board game can make that happen.  
[A freaky head suddenly grows on Rita's head]  
Freaky head: Or can it?  
Rita: Is that head real?  
Clyde: It's as real as you believe it is, until the game ends.  
Lincoln: Maybe now you're starting to realize... [Singing] HOW DANGEROUS THIS GAME REALLY IS... That came out way less ominous than I was hoping for.  
Rita: Well then, I'm finishing the game right now.  
Freaky head: Or are you?  
Rita: [Sigh] Every sentence you say is going to start with "or" isn't it?  
Freaky head: Or is it?  
Rita: I'll take that as a yes.  
Freaky head: Or will-  
Rita: YES!  
Lincoln: It won't make any difference, Mom. The game's too powerful.  
Rita: The only power this game has is the power you give it.  
Clyde: Then why's my hand moving again?  
Rita: The game's finished, Leni.  
Leni: But these pickled eggs aren't!  
[Rita sighs; Rita comes to Clyde, takes his right hand and hit the left one; In the kitchen, Leni drops the food she's eating; Clyde leaves]  
Leni: Oh! Aww...

[Lincoln is reading aloud his essay in front of the class]  
Lincoln: And so, in conclusion, if earth temperature were to rise by just one degree, average sea levels would rise, leading to a MASSIVE TRAGEDY. [He sings the last part cheerfully, and the class laughs]  
Teacher : [Looking upset] Oh, I didn't realize you thought global warming was such a laughing matter. Three hours detention. [To the class; Lincoln goes back to his place] Now, who would like to volunteer for my outdoor meditation retreat instead of having a summer vacation?  
Clyde: [Raising his left arm] What the? [Clyde pulls his arm down. At the Leni's school, Leni's left hand is pulled down too. She tries to raise it again to get a broom. (It's Leni's job at school)]  
Leni: Come-on-  
Teacher: Very good Clyde. And who wants to take the vow of silence, as well?  
[Clyde's trying to pull his arm down again]  
Clyde: Come-on-  
Teacher : You won't regret it. And finally, we also need a volunteer for the eco protest this weekend where we chain ourselves to a doomed tree for forty-eight hours.  
[Clyde's arm keep being raised against his will]  
Teacher: Are you sure, Clyde? I'm not gonna lie to you, buddy. We're gonna get maced.  
[Clyde manages to get his arm down. Meanwhile, the broom in Leni's uncontrolled hand makes her fall on a rake]

[Everyone comes back home.]  
Everyone: We have to finish the game!  
Leni: Just roll the cards and pick the dice! Just get on with it!  
Lincoln: OK. We need maximum rolls every turn, which means no Dodjs, no matter how bad the Daars are. Agreed? [Rolls the dice and draws a daar card] Dodj.  
Lisa: What happened to taking every Daar?  
Lincoln: Do you really want to see me clean myself with my tongue?  
Everyone except Lincoln and Lana: EW!  
Clyde: Dodj! Dodj! Dodj!  
Lincoln: Dramatic music will play 'til the end of the game. [Dramatic music begins to play]  
Lynn Sr: Daar! Juggle flaming knives. [Holds two flaming knives]  
Rita: Come on, Lynn! You can do it!  
[Lynn Sr tosses the knives and they plunge into the ceiling]  
Rita: Never mind! We'll deal with that later. [Rolls the dice and draws a Daar card] Drive a car from the backseat.  
[Rita tries to drive the car from the backseat with two broomsticks]  
Rita: I can do it! I can do it!  
Freaky Head: Or can you?  
Rita: [Grunts] SHUT UP, WILL YOU?  
[She punches her head and loses control of the car. The car then hits a street light, making it fall down onto the Loud's house]  
[Lisa moves her piece on the board]  
Lisa: Dodj bomb. What's that?  
Lincoln: [Sings] Everyone, TAKE A DODJ CARD.  
[Everyone sighs and draws a Dodj card]  
Lisa: Freeze frame. Does that mean I'll- [She literally freezes like someone pressing the pause button, and there can be lines of static shown like on a VHS tape]  
Clyde: [Panicking] See? That's what we told you! If we all get stuck by a dodj, we'll remain like this forever!  
Luan: Groovy earthquake. [Luan's shaking]  
Leni: Gravity is your enemy, what does that- [Leni gets squished]  
Rita: Giant hands. [Her hands grows big]  
Freaky Head: Or are they?  
[She punches her head and knocks herself out in to the backyard]  
Clyde: You like everything Lincoln likes!  
[Nothing apparently happens]  
Leni: Nothing happened.  
Clyde: Well, I'm kind of into those things already... Comics, Video Games...  
Rita: Come on! Roll the dice!  
Luna: Date a sheep. [Cut to Luna and a sheep at the restaurant] I'll have the lamb, uh... I mean chicken [He looks at the waiter and realizes the waiter is a chicken] I meant the check!  
[Back at the house]  
Lincoln: [Singing] Bathtub sled. [Rides the bathtub down the stairs and punches a hole through the front door]  
Lori: Back to baby!... Goo-Goo?  
[A few moments later]  
Clyde: We're nearly there!  
Lincoln: Now we need to land on the last square with an exact roll.  
Rita: Here we go! [Rolls dice] Five! Oh no, Dodj bomb again. [Draws dodj card] No one is allowed to breathe until the game is over.  
Freaky Head: Or are they?  
[Everyone suffocates]  
Lincoln: Please... be a six.  
[The die is thrown, and it does not result in a six]  
Rita: Are you kidding me? [Smashes the ground, moving the dice, which now shows a six]  
[All effects caused by the dodjs disappear, and the everybody is able to breathe again]  
Lincoln: Yes! We survived, all the effects of the game have been reversed... [Notices all the damage brought about by their own actions is still present] almost.  
The end


End file.
